Wednesday, 11 December 2019

Resurrection, 4/12/2019


Resurrection is in order, from my past there is no trace and I am afraid I lost my face
death by brain, by being drained and the soul is stained, keeping me well restrained
from the year of pain, which might be in vein
the sole purpose of these lines is the awake, the negativity away to take
….
I have lost all the words, forgot to place them around my thoughts,
I imprisoned the creativity, suppressed it, I know I did not even fought,
for the cost of being sad and depraved, holding the grudges so tight,
squeezing their venom our is slowly soaking deeper, red is filling my sight.

Direction was taken away, blown away, flushed away with all the emotions
my mind became a huge, toxic dumping ground of epic proportions …,
I feel the desperation growing, but still choose to suffer in silence,
it is all on edge inside of me and often I imagine solution as a violence.

How bad I have become, how infectious can the thoughts actually be ….
poisoning everything, spreading hate, anger, frustration, desperation in me,
and growing this nothingness that cannot be filled, despite the endless tries,
I feel so crippled and frozen in this time, in this place, this life, until it dies.

I am not able to see the darkness anymore, it will end up only with the pill,
overwhelming thought, the invisible chains for life and will …. yes they can kill,
slowly pushing the blade deeper in my soul, I think I can say I am really fed up.
is courage missing? or is it the remains of hope for resurrection keeping me up.

that one thought, that appeared out of nowhere and somehow stuck around
“never give up, never back down, never let your knees touch the ground”,
I need to remind myself, that the sole purpose of these sleepy morning lines,
I hope when I finish you, more will come, flood the shit out and keep what’s mine.

One by one we will stand hold and we will fight trying to defeat all the fear,
more effort is in place, lot more to kill that beast, otherwise the end is near,
it can be the last stand, or it can be all a I lie and a way to realize I am not dead,
it just a huge misunderstanding and solution is I am only fucked up in my head.

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