Intention
unimportant, reasoning not relevant,
excuse can
only make me smile,
with a hint
of tear behind the learned gesture.
The
difference, the excursion, the wrong turn.
followed by
a search n rescue, decade of rescue
years of
failures led to regrets, yet another failures,
the loop of
my mistakes trapped inside of me.
Since that time,
I’m looking for closure,
schizophrenic
reasoning with the other one,
put him on
a leash or let him run free,
is the concern
troubling the young mind.
Trapped
between their endless attempts
to full
fill the desires without disappointment.
Desires
about which I’m not sure they’re right,
but still
they tease the body, provoke my mind.
Stopping
the flood can become a fatal step,
strength or
acceptance that is a hard choice,
dreams and
nightmares melted together,
cocktail I
have either to drink or to spill.
Drinking
the mixture will have side effects,
unknown, in
their satisfaction Trojan horse dwells,
wild,
strong, with intention unknown to me.
Maybe I
fear, that it will be an endless agony.
Spilling
will leave a mess on my soul, sticky
in my mind,
giving up for higher cause.
It won’t
vanish, carved into the daily schedule,
sacrifice
the right thing, I got to be a selfish whore.
Closure in
any form comes with consequences,
which are
not entirely mine, but aren’t pain free.
Maybe I
gotta leave them to appear once
or they
might just get lost forever.
The closure
I’m looking for is me
and I’m the
closure, the doorman,
the one
with the power n’ wisdom,
I carry the
weight and the tool.
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