addiction
This feeling that is constantly holding my neck
is not missing you as I supposed, not even close.
The only life I knew for ages again lures me back,
I suddenly do realize that this is not what I chose.
I am recidivist and fatal addict of this life,
that home, that thoughts, that comfort zone,
no matter what I do, feel like being on the leash,
there is another way out and I keep forgetting it.
I follow, walk behind, guilty of stalking the mistakes,
like a rabid dog begging for a piece of rotten bone,
how desperate, how low, how unwitting, humiliating,
there’s no one to pray, unless I am sitting on the throne.
I feel bad when I choose not to follow the decisions,
even when I see the face full of hate and grudge,
footsteps in which I don’t want to walk anymore,
distant, private VIP room full of pure rotten insanity.
Like a tail attached firmly, swinging and hitting the walls,
these illusions of free will are keeping shutting me down,
only a reboot of my mind to stop and take a close look,
the world is all yours and you are holding the crown.
Addiction? I question this recent conclusion I made,
doubt it, that I am willing to risk not being loved again,
reasoning with me is pointless and endless, truthless,
I know the answer, real, cruel, raw and bloody truth.
Cure for addictions exists everywhere but here, I know,
still the addiction can be redirected, good and pleasant,
but to tear the bond, must release a rainstorm of tears
a win requires one big deprivation, it still just a guess.
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