the man welcomes a day with learned routine,
his
mind is wakening up, starting it’s all day jaba-jaba
the man
has no memories of yesterday,
he
reminds himself of his failures ,
wasted
thoughts about tomorrow
feelings
are slowly wakening up
and he
leaves the house in paranoid way.
the
same man on the bus stop
waiting,
trying to calm the anger
so far
controlling the rage outbursts,
unable
to find out where it came from.
there
is no system in this just the question
when
he’s gonna reach the boiling point.
he is
thinking about it.
there
is a man in a bus,
troubled,
haunted by his thoughts
forced
to live with mind he didn’t choose.
the
daymares he did not want.
very
same mares that are not about to stop.
“how
much force it takes to crush
my
skull against a brick wall?”
another
bus stop, the very same man,
looks
at the wall known ..
imaginary
smashes his head against it. coward.
he
feels sorry for his choice.
late
the wall calls again, he resists.
he
feels angry, furious, shaking ...,
waves
the hand and beeps himself in.
same
man, different bus,
spots
the reflexion in the glass,
smileless
reflexion, sad and ageing.
reflexion
he doubts to know.
worried
he is that this face,
replaced
his true face,
the
face he barely can remember, remembering.
work is
where the man is paid to be now,
the
place where the mind is leaving.
bounded
with perfection he is.
suffering
in place of his fears.
moment
of distant mind is replaced with anger
still
being a coward
hiding
behind being an coflictless dude.
later
this man is eating,
digesting
the day’s portion of hate,
with
side of anger,
salting
the meal with tears of being so wrong.
He
decided to eat alone, but didn’t choose the meal
never
ending me ..., how much more can i digest?
the man
leaves work, silently, quickly.
different
buses, stops on the other side.
very
same thoughts, regrets, fantasies
to
torture the tired soul little bit more.
he
escapes through music,
which
changes the way his mood does it’s colours
routine
way home, just staring nowhere.
for
this man home is not home,
the
place whre this man stays overnight,
where
he fights his tomorrows, todays and yesterdays.
endless
talks and argues, fighting and praying for having power
to
leave the lazy screen addict body
hi tech
company for the thoughts conciseness.
staring,
regretting it and still unable to stop.
the man
is in constant conflict,
within,
with himself, with the world,
with
the past, with the future, with the life.
war he
can not win, but he can give up .
he is
consumed by his thoughts and his fear.
reality
becomes blur and disappear.
how he
hast to deal with what is left.
this
man is a person of two worlds
changing however it fits them
world
of moving forward
with
world of not moving at all.
hibernates
and regrets it after.
hope
small seed of hope this man got
in
understanding the suffering.
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