Veronike, written on 13/11/2012

Veronike

Deficit, ktorý ma ničil, menil a formoval roky,

milné výklady citov vždy boli vyjasnené tragédoiu.

Túžba nikdy sa uz nemýliť určila moje ďalšie kroky,

teraz už iba smejem sa nad tou tragikomédiou.

Náhodné opojenie zapríčínilo náhodne nájdené spojenie,

svieti tam otázka o ktorej ešte neviem že všetko zmení.

Sklamaná a tichá duša nie vždy rozpozná znamenie,

nespozná že budúcnosť ukrytá je prave v tomto spojení.

Potom čo duša umožnila očiam znova jasne vidieť,

otvoril sa predo mnou vytúžený svet z mojich snov,

aj tak som zaváhal, logických dôvodov preto niet,

všetko mi ukázala až bláznivá cesta na ostrov.

Moje pohľady na tvoju krásu, na teba vždy rozpak ti navodili,

mojimi očami prial by som ti sa na seba sa aspoň raz pozrieť,

potom už by si chápala a moje pohľady by ti uz nevadili,

lebo hriech by bol ten krásny pohľad čo i na chvíľu mi odoprieť.

Na opis toho čo k tebe cítim nemožné je nájsť slov,

keď láska vymyká sa všetkým všeobecným definíciám,

je to ako žiť každý deň ten najkrajší zo všetkých snov.

Milovať ťa patrí k mojim najväčším privilégiám.

Tvoja a bolesť bolí aj mňa, tvoj úsmev ma ale hreje,

zmyslom môjho života stalo sa mi tvoje štastie,

nechcem ťa nikdy vidieť už v stavoch beznádeje,

moja láska k tebe nespí, naopak každm dňom rastie.

Dni bez teba prázdne sú, smutné, ponurné a divné,

dúfam že posledné z nich teraz musím prežívať.

Viem len, že moje city k tebe boli a budú neomylné

a jediné čo sľúbiť ti viem, jediné čo možem ti dať

je to že ťa budem navždy ľúbiť a milovať.

Nestráv(it)e(ľ)ná realita, written on 03/08/2005

Nestráv(it)e(ľ)ná realita

Behám po svete a so zvláštnym pocitom v žalúdku.

Kŕmim sa dňami, ktoré trávim celý život,

potrava, ktorá mi nechutí a nerozumiem jej,

mi otravuje každú chvíľu pobytu na svetle,

zviera mi žalúdok ... a požiera mi myseľ,

nechávam za sebou značky,

vyvrhnuté z hlbokej priepasti snov,

cítim zápach nákazy všednosti

a prispôsobovania sa tomu čo vidia všade.

Označkovaní ľudia,

pochodujúci v rade s imunitou,

voči svetu v ktorom sú, ale nežijú v ňom,

falošnou realitou vyprázdňujú

svoj už tak prázdny zmysel života,

ten „nachádzajú“ v nezmysloch,

ktoré sa šíria elektrinou ...

a spália túžby aj city,

všetkých,

ktorí sa rozhodnú nasledovať falošné

svetlo, ktoré ich iba oslepí

a spáli im dušu ...

My world, written on 17/05/2012

My world

It’s mine cause i’m the creator,

play is the way it’s build.

My world is right in front of my eyes.

The reflexion in pictures,

which are created by desire.

It’s not permanent yet,

there is still end to each session.

I can hear the process of creation,

streaming through my body.

Mind is so focused and full of life,

that can be called “future”

this is the path i’m walking,

in the war without any rules,

which makes me either stand out

or die into the crowd.

There’s a peace in my world,

land of balance, eternal, vast.

This is what i try to fit in,

in the world behind my world.

Draw the contours of a dream

into a real life, smudge the bad.

My world is where i treat myself good,

where i don’t kill pain with pain,

but recreate the world,

leave the pain in shape, on paper,

paint it into dream i won’t dream,

rise from pain and sadness

“your future, choose it now”

... the reality says

... dream is reality

now!

My life, written on 18/05/2005

My life

In my life it’s

getting too dark to see.

I’ve got too much

very sad faces.

My thoughts, they go

into several ways

n´ they don’t help me

to find my seat in life,

to find my seat in life.

                             

Too long searching for the things which kill my soul,

to long waiting for the right moment to go,

to long just feeding the faith with poison meal.

At any place now I’ll go,

i’m just looking for myself,

but I’m just finding strange persons

i’ve never seen before.

Foreign souls steeling my life,

other brains thinking my thoughts

and those eyes, making me blind

i just wanna see with my eyes,

i just wanna see with my eyes.

Too long searching for the things, which kill my soul,

too long waiting for the right moment to go,

too long just feeding the faith with poison meal.

Anything what now I feel,

goes the way it wants to go,

no matter about me

just going it’s way alone.

leaving me here on my own,

with my questions n´ so alone

and not alone at once.

I want only to hold the right hand,

i want only to hold the right hand

Top long searching for the things which kill my soul,

too long waiting for the right moment to go,

too long just feeding the faith with poison meal.

the way it’s gonna be is the way I don’t know

the way it’s gonna be is the way that I’m scared off

the way it’s gonna be is the way I will go.

I don’t even care about the ting I don’t know … maybe I just wish so.

Mláďatá, written on 11/08/2005

Mláďatá

Múdrosti mláďat druhu deštruktívnych stvoriteľov,

krásne slová s jednou stranou,

prechádzajúce cez matkine lono,

cez ktoré ešte nie sú schopní vidieť.

Čerství turisti na najťažšom chodníčku,

ignorujú značky a nečítajú v knihe návštev,

nevidia náklad ktorý cestou musia zobrať,

ale veria že ho môžu niesť až dokonca.

Vytriezvenie príde keď sa obzrú

a neuvidia nikoho a keď sa pozrú pred seba

vidia len sny, ktoré sa strácajú v hmle budúcnosti.

Ľahkovážne plytvanie dušami,

ktoré sú ovládané neskúsenou nádejou,

ktorá zablúdi vo hustom lese nádejí,

mapa ktorú dostali od života,

je iba prázdny kus papiera na ktorom uvidia

len cestu ktorú prešli,

bez možnosti vrátiť sa na začiatok.

Chlad ľudskej bezohľadnosti a pocit zvláštneho hladu,

ich núti skonzumovať svoje vnútra

a potkýnať tých ktorí sú pred nimi,

všetka krása sa stratí na úpätí života,

keď majú nadhľad nad svojou minulosťou,

začína sa boj o prežitie ...,

narastá nevoľnosť pri pohľade do včerajška

a nedostatok kyslíku pri dýchaní zajtrajška,

až do chvíle,

keď sa ponoria hlboko do seba

a vylovia svoj najväčší poklad.

Mind Brake, written on 03/11/2012

Mind brake

Been here forever, hidden voyeur,

waiting to be awakened to life.

The secret of not being accepted,

difference would it make when exposed.

I can’t hide in front of me, inside me,

pressure is rising with the passion.

Progress can not be made, sacrifice,

release me and i will push you forward.

The looks is what i am afraid to see,

shame all those people would feel.

But it’s me, the unique creation

even when i would call it damnation.

It’s my point of view about which i care,

challenge my life, call it and i will dare.

Our common conscience won’t stop me,

it’ not mine, mind brake i will set free.

Save the time, the future, the living,

or nothing will change,  remain unforgiving.

And i’ll be haunted for the rest of my days,

the escape, i can not choose so many ways.

Mesiac v roku, written on 22/02/2005

Mesiac v roku

Najkratší mesiac v roku,

ale najdlhší mesiac v mojom živote?

Z čakania sa stal životný štýl,

dobrovoľné neprirodzené odmietanie,

ktoré je viac samozrejmé ako to že dýcham.

Recyklovanie myšlienkového a telesného odpadu

je zabrzdené túžbou po budúcnosti.

Skutočná dĺžka čašu,

sa vymyká reálnemu plynutiu ručičiek

a striedania čísiel v kalendári.

Vojna myšlienok a citov,

do ktorej nemôžem zasiahnuť.

Vzdialený front je ale bližšie ako si myslím

a nepriateľa mám blízko,

je ním schizofrénnosť ľudskej túžby a vôle.

Podstata je v neúmyselnom ničení,

najkrajšieho zdroja energie,

aký môže človek v živote nájsť.

Túžba vyjadriť niečo tak krásne a silné,

skĺzne vždy k uvoľneniu strachu

zo svojho rozhodnutia žít podľa

môjho scenáru,

scenáru ktorý však má dve verzie

a neviem či práve čítam ten správny.

Všetko sa dozviem až na slávnostnej premiére,

premiére mojej budúcnosti,

ktorá sa ale môže zmeniť na pohreb

jednej časti osobnostnej minulosti,

aj nasledujúcej mŕtvej, budúcej

cirkusovej realite.

Man's Circle, written on 20/04/2012

Man's circle

the man welcomes a day with learned routine,

his mind is wakening up, starting it’s all day jaba-jaba

the man has no memories of yesterday,

he reminds himself of his failures ,

wasted thoughts about tomorrow

feelings are slowly wakening up

and he leaves the house in paranoid way.

the same man on the bus stop

waiting, trying to calm the anger

so far controlling the rage outbursts,

unable to find out where it came from.

there is no system in this just the question

when he’s gonna reach the boiling point.

he is thinking about it.

there is a man in a bus,

troubled, haunted by his thoughts

forced to live with mind he didn’t choose.

the daymares he did not want.

very same mares that are not about to stop.

“how much force it takes to crush

my skull against a brick wall?”

another bus stop, the very same man,

looks at the wall known ..

imaginary smashes his head against it. coward.

he feels sorry for his choice.

late the wall calls again, he resists.

he feels angry, furious, shaking ...,

waves the hand and beeps himself in.

same man, different bus,

spots the reflexion  in the glass,

smileless reflexion, sad and ageing.

reflexion he doubts to know.

worried he is that this face,

replaced his true face,

the face he barely can remember, remembering.

work is where the man is paid to be now,

the place where the mind is leaving.

bounded with perfection he is.

suffering in place of his fears.

moment of distant mind is replaced with anger

still being a coward

hiding behind being an coflictless dude.

later this man is eating,

digesting the day’s portion of hate,

with side of anger,

salting the meal with tears of being so wrong.

He decided to eat alone, but didn’t choose the meal

never ending me ..., how much more can i digest?

the man leaves work, silently, quickly.

different buses, stops on the other side.

very same thoughts, regrets, fantasies

to torture the tired soul little bit more.

he escapes through music,

which changes the way his mood does it’s colours

routine way home, just staring nowhere.

for this man home is not home,

the place whre this man stays overnight,

where he fights his tomorrows, todays and yesterdays.

endless talks and argues, fighting and praying for having power

to leave the lazy screen addict body

hi tech company for the thoughts conciseness.

staring, regretting it and still unable to stop.

the man is in constant conflict,

within, with himself, with the world,

with the past, with the future, with the life.

war he can not win, but he can give up .

he is consumed by his thoughts and his fear.

reality becomes blur and disappear.

how he hast to deal with what is left.

this man is a person of two worlds

changing however it fits them

world of moving forward

with world of not moving at all.

hibernates and regrets it after.

hope small seed of hope this man got

in understanding the suffering.

Lonely and lonely, written on 06/10/2010

Lonely and lonely

Maybe there is some sense in all this pseudo living.

can’t find anything, that would be reasonable.

I’m in love, married, but the fucking lonely feeling,

can feel him, sitting and making himself at home.

Why? It is against nature, can’t be true.

What kind of loneliness sits there.

Having party.

Positive thinking my ass.

The only secret is there’s nothing but

a story to keep losers in an illusion.

Doesn’t matter really.

Still lonely. 30 min and the feeling will crawl back

in the dark. mute you, wish he would leave,

he won’t, he can’t, i’m offering him permanent job.

up there is a mess.

caution “cleaning in progress” will hang there forever.

define this lonely in love, at once,

how they can live by each other. am i trying to lie again?

back on the road, tank is empty though running on dreams

won’t work.

LONELY THOUGTHS!! ...

that’s the point. thoughts are lonely, not me. millions of thoughts and they are lonely? how ignorance is not the way, talk mate, like you never talked before!

Krasa dneska, written on 16/08/2009

Krása dneška

krása dneška v zrkadle budúcnosti,

rozostrená slobodou predanou

za osvetlenie tmavej cesty,

ktorá vo svetle stráca svoju krásu

a horizont je iba umelo akceptovaný gýč,

ktorý na nás denne žiari a hovorí nám

kým sa máme stať.

tichý akoby vnútorný hlas,

nás uspokojuje a vedie nás v ústrety

obrovskej psychiatrie,

kde jediní blázni sú normálni,

slepí vidia, hluchí počujú a nemí na nás kričia,

ale naše zmysly sú príliš spútané

spomienkami na budúcnosť.

Journey, written on 16/05/2012

Journey

journey of my discovery n discovering

praise it to be the mistaken one

surety can’t be base on desperation

unless i want to fall apart.

everything leaves me ignorant,

staring n not believing in me.

powerless, motionless, defeated.

journey which was a must t realize,

way to know my fears, face them, taste them,

morality test n torturing the heart,

the satisfaction staid in fantasies.

dream becomes real for me to realize,

it’s not real at all, it was the reason.

journey as the last piece of puzzle

the last chapter of my personality,

path of loneliness to know the value.

time fore me, me and me t o see the life.

the life i will be leaving here,

load i brought, smuggled into me.

journey was supposed to retrace

and finish all the steps of closure.

mind was cleared, never be blind again.

needs and meanings were found,

disillusions are cleared, naked, simple.

the pride was paid in full forever.

ladies n gentleman si I close the door,

on my way, my way , my very own way.

the wa that chose me once upon a time

hand in hand with the person

who keeps me on the track

whom should i say yes million years ago.

Hra na schovavacku, written on 20/06/2011

Hra na schovávačku

Hra na schovávačku,

kde sa hľadám sám,

sám sa aj skrývam

a prehľad v tom strácam.

Kedy som nájdený, kedy som skrytý,

nemôžem sa skryť, ale neviem sa nájsť.

Nemôžem skrývať to,

čo už som dávno našiel.

Nachádzam sa stratený,

tak kde som sa našiel.

Strácam sa nájdený tam,

odkiaľ sa snažím stratiť.

Zmysel však nie je v hľadaní,

ani v nezmyselnom strácaní,

pretože strácanie je iba

zabúdanie nám naočkované

a nachádzanie je iba liek,

proti ktorému vynašli strácanie.

Straty a nálezy môjho života,

centrum, kde minulosť stráca zmysel,

v minimalizme,

v snahe vidieť,

v pochopení,

prečo to čo som našiel,

už nemôžem stratiť.

Here and Away, written on 22/02/2011

Here and Away

sometimes i just am way,

i’m here but don’t feel it.

head feels empty, silent,

soul just takes a break,

leaving me here

like an empty package.

soul is trying to escape,

but I don’t know where.

she’s too fast, too far,

keeping to many secrets.

i’m just staring without seeing,

hearing without understanding.

body will follow, mind is changing

adapting to the arrival of tomorrow

we awaited

but didn’t expect it to happen

ever

well ever is now!!

From the inside, writen on 28/04/2005

From the inside

from the inside world, looking out

trying to find the reason for today,

reasons u won’t remember tomorrow,

reasons u didn’t have yesterday.

spending time with looking for something,

looking for in my head for the right way,

I can find only in the outside world,

cause all these things are too real just to think about them

loosing the direction on the way

to loose my soul in fear of being alone,

alone with my head, be eaten by thoughts,

which will cause the outside death.

destruction of the reality

is caused by psychological research inside,

trying to heal my soul with the cure that is killing me,

cure that is the biggest poison

i am trying to win the fight with me,

no sense of violence, no chance to win,

can’t defeat me, can’t win over the

same person you are fighting with.

Agreed, written on 10/04/2012

agreed

agreed,

it was agreed,

i agreed to peace for this period

joined the game, accepted the rules

became so normal

... for this period.

but you,

you evil.

you changed the rules of silence.

you dared to point your finger there.

you addressed the sacred place.

you insulted the guardian alien.

you attracted his attention.

you just became part of them,

them who address,

them who point,

them who dispute,

them who are limited,

...

i trusted you,

thought you are different,

but your eyes

... saw

you mind

... allowed

your mouth

... said it

and made me dislike you

you joined and you will disappear.

to my Brain, written on 8/4/2012, finished on 25/9/2012

to my Brain

shut up, shut the fuck up,

just be quiet for one day, one hour, one minute

my dearest brain you are driving me mad,

with you unstoppable insanity

words, words, words, more words

and you still bother me with more

... with everything ...

what happened, you’ve gone through all of it

again and again you sick fuck and you will again

presence is what you are full of,

past is what is feeding you greed,

future is what you are so scared of.

scenarios, alternatives ..., possible endings

like you would be some kind of retarded director

shooting a low cost flick no one wants to see.

future is yours you bastard, do you dare?

things that are never going to happen

you make me imagine the endless loop,

see with your fucking eyes

repeating the same shit

stop

just stop

or i will make you to!

time is running out

i do have a choice!

time is running out

Understanding, written on 16/03/2012

understanding

silence rules my world

morning in the bus with

the argues without a word,

being happy becomes a myth

i try to talk all the time

but the words get lost in fire,

burns my lips and that’s a crime

so i can’t be called a liar.

i’m filled to top with sadness,

trying to choose the final way,

hope for help, well that’s a madness,

i stay alone again this day.

tear can’t get through

the tired, aching, empty eyes,

unable to recognize the truth,

all they need is nice long cry

decision is a way out of here,

but i’m sure it might hurt,

you have to face it my dear

you gotta deal with the dirt.

time is not on our side, never was,

the longer it takes the more i’m lost

there is always a way, higher cause

don’t forget, it’s me who pays the cost

now i see what i have done

the real reasons get lost in past

why do i have to lie to everyone

and keep hurting me, the pain will last.

desires are precious, but tricky too

false ones make their way in your head

sometimes the voice can’t get through

and it ends up unheard and dead.

the voice is telling you to stop

listen to your heart for advice

heart will always stay on top

rather thinking about it twice.

do not ever dare to choose a second,

make it more that the eternity,

that’s why all the bad things happened

and now you are left with the pity.

so cherish what you have been given,

what fulfils you and makes you happy,

because the mistakes won’t be forgiven,

and that’s your biggest worry and it feels crappy.