Applause, 14/4/2012

i hold the life, i hold the fear

and i clap my hands,

life becomes the life of fear,

fear becomes the fear of life

i grab the love, i grab the hate

hands clap again,

my love to hate is born,

hate to love becomes it’s brother

i take sexuality and i take desire

hand fly together

all i get is a desires of sexuality

and sexuality that is not desired at all.

feel on my palm, second palm has think,

clap, clap the hands

i’m left with thinking about my feelings

and I feel it might kill me, i think

the silence in one, the talks in other hand

they meet in the big clap,

now the silent talks rule the world

of the talks which break the silence.

talk on right, will on the left

bang to each other,

baby will to do the right

shouting the right to loose my will.

smile on the fly, cry pouring towards

wet fatal clasp.

this smile is crying for help

and the cries in faked smiles.

ME i got and ME i got again,

bang-bang the eternal one.

the mess in personality, persists

cleaning still suspended, fuck the notice.

Adjusting period, april + jun + august 2014

adjusting period

Adjusting period ahead and in my way,

dream trying to get very real, very slow,

all the phantasms are becoming real,

I could live what once been just a show.

Not all deeds can fit in my new space,

but it is expanding, its limits fading,

overwhelmed by the rusticity of it all,

stopped my life from more degrading.

hungry for more, exhausted i do get,

everything known seems so brand new.

do i realize i feel happiness once again,

so little needed, so simple, if i only knew.

From change only the good can I gain.

erase the lines marking boarders of mind,

wipe the steam off and have a good look,

can't believe my effort just made me blind.

The known, the safety zone, public life,

foreigner I've become, all this makes me sick

needs not needed anymore that is a big shock.

likes just turn to dislikes without a click.

I am chasing the handle, still in sight bitch,

blury it gets on the way, fear is pushing me,

door holds the dam in one piece, prevents

from washing all the shit I don't wanna see.

There is the inevidable you can not evade,

no matter what, questions, doubts and tears,

if you miss the moment when it comes

you will be left in life only full of fear.

Addiction, may + june 2014

addiction

This feeling that is constantly holding my neck

is not missing you as I supposed, not even close.

The only life I knew for ages again lures me back,

I suddenly do realize that this is not what I chose.

I am recidivist and fatal addict of this life,

that home, that thoughts, that comfort zone,

no matter what I do, feel like being on the leash,

there is another way out and I keep forgetting it.

I follow, walk behind, guilty of stalking the mistakes,

like a rabid dog begging for a piece of rotten bone,

how desperate, how low, how unwitting, humiliating,

there’s no one to pray, unless I am sitting on the throne.

I feel bad when I choose not to follow the decisions,

even when I see the face full of hate and grudge,

footsteps in which I don’t want to walk anymore,

distant, private VIP room full of pure rotten insanity.

Like a tail attached firmly, swinging and hitting the walls,

these illusions of free will are keeping shutting me down,

only a reboot of my mind to stop and take a close look,

the world is all yours and you are holding the crown.

Addiction? I question this recent conclusion I made,

doubt it, that I am willing to risk not being loved again,

reasoning with me is pointless and endless, truthless,

I know the answer, real, cruel, raw and bloody truth.

Cure for addictions exists everywhere but here, I know,

still the addiction can be redirected, good and pleasant,

but to tear the bond, must release a rainstorm of tears

a win requires one big deprivation, it still just a guess.

Not Free, 12/08/2013

I’m not entirely free,

enslaved by my thoughts,

circling in the ring

of wrong choices.

Web net of addictions,

in a world with

no one to talk to.

Imprisoned by loneliness,

my body turns into stone.

Progress impossible.

Mind deflecting from reality,

redemption in imagination.

Abstract as it appears

my days are.

I hear rumors of a change …,

until than I remain cuffed

 in the arms of the past.

Cold hug, I can’t stand,

without ability to fight it.

I pray for the power,

to get out of the shell,

can not rot in this hell.

For a smile I please a lot,

keep him by my side

and not to loose

him again in vein.

That is when I open

the door to pain.

So I beg to loose

the keys for eternity.

2 slová, niekedy na prelome 2005 - 2006

2 slová

Keď pospájam písmená, stvorím slovo,

ak ich stvorím viac, dokážem niečo povedať,

 vyjadriť pocity a nálady.

Slová sú prosté a jednoduché, ľahko vysloviteľné

a aj tak vedia zapôsobiť na človeka,

jeho city, náladu a aj na rozum.

Viem ako môžu slová bolieť, ako môžu ublížiť,

ale poznám aj ich druhú stránku, keď dokážu potešiť, rozosmiať,

dokonca dokážu spraviť človeka šťastným.

V živote som ale našiel iba 2 najsilnejšie slová,

ktoré nedokážem povedať iba tak ľahko.

Tie slová musia prejsť dlhú cestu

kým sa dostanú von z úst.

Narodia sa v srdci, kde rýchlo dospejú a zosilnejú,

a kde sa naučia cítiť.

Z neho prúdia v žilách do celého tela,

cítim ich v sebe všade, v každej časti svojho tela.

Cítim ich v rozume, kde zbierajú všetky myšlienky a spomienky,

ktoré ti denne venujem,

tu sa stávajú múdrejšími a začínajú chápať, prečo sa zrodili.

Odtiaľ majú blízko k očiam, ktoré ťa chcú vidieť,

keď sa smeješ, spíš, keď ti je smutno, proste vždy,

oči vďaka ktorým si na teba spomeniem keď zbadám slovo pink,

keď prechádzam okolo ST arény,

keď som niekde kde sme boli spolu,

keď počujem hudbu ktorú máš rada,

keď kŕmim škrečka, keď idem do kina,

keď zaspávam na tvojom obľúbenom vankúši...,

miest a vecí je veľa, tak isto ako je veľa spomienok.

V očiach slová dostanú svoj tvar, farbu a krásu.

Na ich ceste sú aj uši,

v ktorých stále znie tvoj krásny hlas a tvoje slová,

ktoré chcem počuť znova a znova,

tu dostanú zvuk, aby zneli tak ako sú myslené a cítené.

Dokonca sa zastavia aj pri nose,

v ktorom je uložené všetko čo som pri tebe cítil,

vôňa tvojich vlasov, vôňa tvojej pokožky ...,

tu zacítia aké krásne je cítiť aj vôňu citu.

Potom sa vydajú na cestu do rúk,

v ktorých sa citu dokážu dotknúť,

v rukách ktoré chcú držať tvoje ruky,

dotýkať sa ta, cítiť ako ti bije srdiečko,

v rukách dostanú cit,

aby aj tvoj najjednoduchší dotyk cítili tak výnimočne,

ako ho cítim ja.

Predposledná zastávka je duša,

ktorá dáva všetkému význam,

a ktorá sa túži byť jedna s tvojou,

tu dostávajú slová svoj zmysel.

Nakoniec prídu k ústam,

ktoré sú smädné po dotyku tvojich pier

a ktoré sú plne túžby nekonečne dlho ťa bozkávať.

......

Až potom môžu vyjsť von,

až po tejto ceste ich môžem povedať,

až teraz znejú úprimne a od srdca,

až na konci viem čo znamená keď ti ich poviem.

Tie 2 slová sú:

"MILUJEM ŤA!"

The Path

Another beginning, another turn, another dead end, another crossing, another Dtour.
I am standing there in the wind, getting lost, reaching, looking around, facing onto a contour.
I am the path I walk, in dark, blindfolded and troubled, chasing my shadow, hunting my shadow.
I can't touch the mist, I feel it's smell surrounding me, covering my footprints, covering the path.
Few brief moments I thought I can see clearly, only to appear on the same spot, efforts make me laugh.
Close my eyes, I don't need them,let my soul take over and lead the way, without any fear.
Let every day be a step forward, movement towards, reaching for, not to shed a tear.
Judgement is only mine, not yours to abuse, I am who I am with no more pretending.
This is the way of mine, new one, the one to stay on, enrich me, raise me, not the need

The Fracture, 08/12/2018

Twist it while you can, demand the past to have 3some with future.
Tears were not shed, redundant and not necessary,
obsolete emotions are reborn and shaped through the dreams I live now.
I am in the middle of the future, concerned, doubting, even afraid from the blinding desires, outbursts of darkness take over the day ... they say it's dark.
Unknown until now.
Weird is revealing the true face of passion, my soul is peaking through, claiming its place in the decadence.
Pain and memories will not lead the way, yet i was unable to dig out the reason from the pile of silence.
Absent blame, but flaming emotions, we once were we.
The key to what was wrapped in cloak of normality for the sake of shame.
Let me go and get devoured by the dreams, adult dreams and revert the normal, ignore the cowards stuck in the booths of boredome.
Enter and comeback, I dare you to ...
... start